This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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