The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
