In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
