My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize