i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
