there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
