Someone shit on the floor
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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