The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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