Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
