remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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