wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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