I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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