There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
