She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
