You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
