flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
