She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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