i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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