I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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