I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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