omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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