im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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