After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize