i jhust puked up my retainher.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
