i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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