Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
