I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
