the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
