I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
