are you still at the devil's house?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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