how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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