well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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