I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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