It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
