A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
