just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
