She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
