my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize