I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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