dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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