$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
