Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
