I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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