your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
