Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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