Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
