She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
