she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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