This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
