a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
