Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
