I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
