God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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