his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We need a shit load of segways right now
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
