i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
