you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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