took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
