well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
