Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
