Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
