Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
