i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Randomize
