I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Jerry, you need to find god
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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