i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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