So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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