escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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